


Random Bruce Banner Headcanons

by supposedly_archer



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Bruce Banner, Alcohol, Bisexual Bruce Banner, Bisexual Mess Bruce Banner, Bruce Banner-centric, Gen, Headcanon, I'm Bad At Tagging, Insecure Bruce Banner, Like there's thorbruce in this but it's not the main focus, Mentions of Taylor Swift, Minor Bruce Banner/Thor, Tattoos, These headcanons definitely aren't just me projecting:), mentions of mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27861098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supposedly_archer/pseuds/supposedly_archer
Summary: An eclectic assortment of different headcanons that I have for Bruce Banner
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Avengers Team, Bruce Banner & Clint Barton, Bruce Banner & James "Bucky" Barnes, Bruce Banner & Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner & Nick Fury, Bruce Banner & Sam Wilson, Bruce Banner & Stephen Strange, Bruce Banner & Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner & Thor, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark, Bruce Banner & Vision, Bruce Banner & Wanda Maximoff
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Random Bruce Banner Headcanons

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in love with Bruce Banner. That's all folks.

•He has no clue how to put contact lenses in 

•He doesn’t want to either, because turning into the hulk while wearing contacts sounds like a fucking nightmare and a half

•His hands are. So soft????? It makes zero sense because he’s always working with his hands and it’s just kinda jarring to everyone

•He always has a small thing of lotion from Bath and Body Works on his person. If you need emergency peppermint-scented lotion, he’s your man

•Stretch marks all across his body. He’s pretty insecure about them but he’s bonded with Nat over their shared insecurities

•He has a soft little tummy. He used to be insecure because he knows he’s being compared to his teammates who look like they inject steroids every four hours, but when Thor drunkenly told him that, “it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen,” he decided that he could care less about his stomach. 

•Cute little tummy with stretch marks

•Dad jokes 24/7

•Tony’s lost count of the number of times he’s wanted to bang his head against a wall because of Bruce’s stupid fucking jokes

•Bruce laughs at his own jokes as well

•He’s also the friend who laughs at your joke when no one else does

•A literal Walking Human Space Heater

•And he’s not like. Sweltering hot. It’s like a blanket on a chilly fall day kind of warmth

•Bruce is a cuddler. Literally clings to anything and anyone he can find when he’s sleeping

•Will sometimes sleep with a stuffed animal that Thor got him for his birthday one year

•Speaking of Thor

•This man clings to him like a goddamn koala while he walks around

•Thor will just be sipping his coffee in the morning and Bruce will just be hanging off of him

•Occasionally does it to Steve as well

•And a couple of times with Nat when they got drunk together one night

• ~~Both Bucky and Sam have allowed him to do it as well but neither will admit it~~

•He’s fluent in ASL and is constantly bickering with Clint about the smallest things

•Doesn’t like coffee that much

•If he drinks it, it has to have as much cream, milk, sugar as possible

• ~~Idk how coffee works I’m like 80% sure that’s what you put in coffee~~

•Prefers hot chocolate

•When his hair gets long enough he’ll let Nat and Thor braid small pieces of it

•This man has the softest hair in the world. It’s a perfect mixture of silky and soft and no one knows how he does it because of how damn curly his hair is

•Has an odd obsession with squirrels

•He’s basically a Human Squirrel Factoid Machine

•No, I will not elaborate

•Has a damn good sense of style

•I mean the purple shirt and those pants in Avengers 1????? That says it all folks

•Has the dirtiest glasses known to man

•He cannot remember the last time he cleaned them

•Tony has no clue how he’s able to see

•He can’t help it. If you’re bisexual and wear glasses, they are always going to be dirty. That’s just how it be

• ~~Tony’s an outlier~~

•Oh yeah Bruce is most definitely bi

•This is not me projecting, it’s canon. Taika Watiti told me himself

•Basically has a whole closet full of different weighted blankets

•Fireworks set off his anxiety and will sometimes cause panic attacks

•Goes to weekly therapy because he’s an icon who does his best to work on his mental health:)

•Meets up weekly with Stephen Strange to have tea together and gossip

•Basically has a crush on all of Avengers & Co. because he’s a Bisexual Mess (tbh same)

•Both him and Wanda do their best to work together and keep a healthy friendship

•While it’s definitely not the best, they’re both trying and it’s getting better slowly

•He has the singing voice of an angel but can’t play the piano to save his life

•Tony tried to teach him once but it ended with a loud bang of a head against the piano keys

•Hums different lullabies as he works

•Is the type of person who puts up his Christmas decorations as soon as November 1st hits and doesn’t take them down till the end of January

•Likes to paint his nails

•There’s this pretty blue color that he borrows ~~steals~~ from Nat a lot

•Knows how to run in high heels

•He refuses to disclose how he knows this

•Barely knows how to use his cellphone

•He owns an iPhone 4 and refuses to upgrade no matter how many times Tony begs him to

•Is constantly taking blurry photos of everything happening in the compound

•Has a photo of Sam chasing Bucky in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist

•Don’t ask

•Can’t swim and gets nervous when he’s near a large body of water

•The Avengers Local Taylor Swift Enthusiast

•Knows all of her song lyrics by heart and sings them very loudly in the shower

•He got Thor hooked on her music as well

•They’ve drunkenly sung a karaoke duet version of “Love Story” together

•Ended with a kiss ~~make out session~~ behind the karaoke stage

•His favorite Taylor Swift album is Speak Now

•Has a tattoo of a rose on his hip

•Owns Hulk boxers

•Tony once called him a “funky little science man” when he was drunk and Bruce burst into tears because he just loves Tony so much

•Very good kisser. Can be confirmed by Thor

•Gets along with Vision really well and goes to bookstores with him a lot

•Once called Fury “Patchy the Pirate” to his face and saw his life flash before his eyes

•Clint started choking on his sandwich as a result and Nat had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him 

•In conclusion. Bruce Banner is a funky little bisexual science man who’s in love with all of his teammates (but mainly Thor.) And he’s cute.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr: @banner-swift


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